


Finding Home (home isn't a place)

by kosmo-not (kk_writer)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adam (Voltron) Lives, Adam has some things to say, Adam isn't being mean he just doesn't know what to say, Closure, Endgame Sheith, M/M, Past Adashi - Freeform, Reunion, Shiro has some emotions to go through, Spoilers, VLD season 7, angsty, curse words, in case that offends anyone? lol, sad shiro, shiro needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 08:16:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15384546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kk_writer/pseuds/kosmo-not
Summary: The team keeps asking if Shiro's okay. And the thing is, Shiro's not sure if he's okay. He's just - numb. Seeing a familiar face reminds him of who he was, and what he's lost. And what he's gained.I guess this fits into Day 21 Coping // Stress (kinda both maybe?) so I'll submit it for #sheithmonth too :)





	Finding Home (home isn't a place)

**Author's Note:**

> it's an AU where Adam lives and the Galra don't attack Earth until later and Krolia comes back to Earth with them and they don't need to rescue Kolivan bc he's all good he'll get there later
> 
> NEW AND IMPROVED - i finally made some much-needed improvements to this fic woot
> 
> they now have an actual conversation

It was a long journey, but they'd made it back to Earth. 

And they'd been successful at alerting Sam and the others that they'd be arriving soon. 

After all the battles the paladins had taken on, this was one of the hardest things they had to do - wait. They were pushing their lions as much as they could, but Earth was soon to be under attack, according to the message Pidge had intercepted from Sam. They needed to be there. No castle of lions to let them jump right into battle this time meant the journey was taking longer than usual. 

It had started to grate on the team. 

Shiro had wanted to step in. To get their minds off things, keep them focused on the goal. 

But he was just...so. Tired. 

He took backseat in the Black Lion and watched, time and time again, as Keith led the team. A little brusquely, sometimes, but it worked. He'd really evolved, grown. 

Keith had piloted the black lion back to Earth. Had kept the team together. Safe. 

Even if Shiro had wanted to take over, he knew the connection with the lion was gone. Given time, maybe he could get it back. 

But he'd spent *so long* looking at the universe through the black lion's eyes. Removed. Unable to help. 

Even if he could reconnect with the black lion, he wasn't sure if he wanted to. Not right now. 

Keith had been...pensive, on the way back. He'd included Shiro in all the team gatherings. Had stepped in to keep the others from pushing, asking why Shiro wasn't better yet. If they could do anything to help. 

It was well-meaning, but Shiro just - needed time. 

Somehow, Keith seemed to understand that. 

They'd had a lot of quiet moments in the black lion. 

As for whether he was okay...

Shiro wasn't sure of that himself. 

But he'd had his time to rest. In between planning, fighting the Galra, getting swallowed by giant space creatures, bickering amongst themselves -all of which Shiro had felt strangely removed from - Shiro had still had time to rest. And Keith had let him. 

They were back to Earth now. 

And the Galra were coming. 

It was surreal to see that bright, blue and green planet below him once again. 

Shiro had flashes of memory to a time when he'd crash-landed his escape pod here. Remembered leaving this planet, twice. Once, the happiest moment of his life - getting to fly into space on his first mission. Once, in a desperate move to save the planet from the Galra ship that had found them. 

Shiro thought they'd deterred the Galra by taking away the one thing the Galra were after - the blue lion. That sought-after piece of the universe's ultimate weapon. 

But he'd been short-sighted. Of course the Galra would try to get to them by attacking their home planet, once they found out the paladins were still alive. It was only a matter of time. 

They were getting lower in the atmosphere. 

Keith was sitting silently in the pilot's chair. Pidge was chattering excitedly with Sam over the comms. 

The team had planned to touch down outside the Garrison. Pidge and Sam, with the way they were talking, seemed have something up their sleeve. Shiro couldn't bring himself to care enough to ask what it was. 

They were touching down. 

It was surreal. How long had it been since he'd seen this planet? How different was he now? 

Shiro couldn't help thinking that maybe he belonged in space, now. This didn't feel like home any more. Nowhere did. But at least in space, he'd had a mission. He'd had a team. _"Home isn't a place,"_ someone had told him once. He hadn't really understood what it meant, at the time. 

Their lions opened to the hot, dusty, mid-day desert air, both familiar and foreign, and...a crowd. 

People from the Garrison were there. 

Other people, who Shiro didn't recognize. 

A group who rushed over to the red lion - people of all ages, it seemed, eagerly awaited the blue (now red) paladin. Lance's family. 

People who rushed over to the green lion - Sam, his wife, and maybe a few friends and relatives. 

Another huge group who rushed over to the yellow lion. 

And...one person, walking slowly over to the black lion.

Shiro stopped in his tracks. 

Adam walked closer. 

"...Takashi? How - " Shiro watched as Adam teared up, brought a hand to his lip. 

Adam. 

Shiro felt like he was floating. Out of his body somehow. 

He felt himself going through the motions. Receiving a hug. Lifting his arm up to wrap around familiar shoulders. Burying his face in familiar warmth. Habit. An old instinct he'd forgotten he had. 

Adam held on. 

When he pulled back, he was smiling, through tears, behind those same glasses. But he looked different. Older. His jaw was a little more defined. He'd gained a little muscle. He was wearing a captain's uniform. 

"They said you were dead, all of you," Adam was saying. "I almost didn't believe it when they called me. When Sam told me you were alive. That you were coming home - I - I had to see it for myself..." 

He reached in to touch Shiro's white hair, eyes wide, taking everything in. 

"They said we'd have some time, when you got back," he said. "I - would you - do you wanna come talk? Get some coffee?" His eyes were busy, searching, tracking every detail. His hand hovered in the air near Shiro's head. 

Shiro hesitated, looked around. Pidge was already heading off with Sam and the others. Allura and Coran were headed off with the Holts. Lance and Hunk were happily trading hugs with each and every person in their little crowds. 

Keith.

He looked over at Keith, who was hanging back by the black lion. 

Adam seemed to notice him, too. 

"Keith? Is that you?" Adam said, not moving away from Shiro much, but angling himself to peer over into the shadows of the lion, which his eyes flickered to, with trepidation. 

It was a lot to take in. 

Keith walked over to shake Adam's hand. 

"Hey, Adam."

"It is you! Wow! You...look..." Adam frowned. "Um. Would you like to join us?"

"No, it's fine. Thanks." Keith looked over at Shiro. "You go. I'll stay here and keep an eye on things."

"Yes. Right," Adam said. 

He looked over at Shiro. "Shall we?"

Shiro followed as Adam walked over to a hover bike. A newer model than the one they'd shared. He climbed on the back. 

They rode in silence to the small collection of shops just outside the Garrison.

"They closed Rita's," Adam said, as they parked. "So it's From the Ashes of the Earth or nothing if you want coffee." He rolled his eyes. "It's dramatic, I know."

They'd parked outside a glass and metal building with a green sign. It felt metaphorical, somehow. From the ashes. Shiro huffed a soft breath. The whisper of a laugh. 

Adam didn't notice. 

They walked inside to a white and gray interior, with brightly colored tables and chairs and fluffy neon pillows.

"What can I get you?" A friendly cashier was asking. He seemed uncomfortable, flicking glances to Shiro's empty sleeve. 

Shiro had no idea what he wanted. 

"Um, can we get a large sugar-free mocha, no whip, and..." he glanced over at Shiro. "Coffee, black?" Shiro nodded. "And a large coffee, no room for cream. Thanks." 

Adam pulled out his billfold. "You always did go for the bland stuff."

Shiro didn't have a reply.

They waited for their drinks and made their way over to a table. It was...bright. 

Shiro grabbed a lime green pillow from his chair and set it gingerly on the table as he sat. He took a sip of his coffee. Looked up. 

Adam was staring. 

The moment stretched on. 

Adam started to fidget. 

"I - I'm sorry, it's just - you - you look so different - " he said. "Your hair - and, your - " he gestured to Shiro's right side. Where the arm used to be. 

The last time he'd seen Adam, he'd been wearing the EMS device. _"Electrical muscle stimulation. It won't heal you. But it'll give you more time."_

Adam had been to those doctor's appointments with him. 

So much had changed. 

"Takashi," Adam breathed. "What happened to you?"

Shiro took a breath. "I was captured." 

He paused.

"That's what Sam said. But...he said he didn't know much about you. Just that they had you for a long time. So, that's it then? There really are aliens, and those...those, flying machines you came back on, and traveling through galaxies, and...it's all...I'm sorry, but it's all a little much, I don't - " he sighed. "I'm sorry. You don't have to answer all that. Just...are you okay?"

"...I will be."

"Takashi..." Adam leaned over the table and rested a hand on Shiro's arm. Shiro looked away.

Adam sighed, and withdrew his hand, took another sip of his drink. 

"I contacted your mom. She couldn't make it, but...she knows. You should call her."

"Yeah." Shiro looked up at Adam. "Thanks. I will."

"Do you need somewhere to stay? There's a spare room - "

"No. I don't think so. Thank you."

"Takashi, I didn't think I'd ever get a chance to say this, but - " Adam paused, fiddled with a flap on the lid of his cup. Looked up and met Shiro's eyes. "I'm sorry. For how things ended."

Shiro shook his head. "You don't have to - "

"No, please," Adam said, and paused. Let out a short puff of air while he shook his head. "I was so mad at you." He stared at his coffee. "God, Takashi. I couldn't believe that you were so ready to leave me. To - to leave us. For whatever time you had left, I wanted to have you." He made brief eye contact with Shiro, and looked down at his cup again, opening and closing the flap. Shifted in his seat. "It was selfish of me, I know that now. You left, and I...God, I hated you for it." 

He sniffed, looked ruefully to the ceiling, scrubbed at his face. 

"God, I'm sorry, I'm rushing into things. This isn't how I planned to - " Adam sighed. "What I wanted to say was, I'm glad you're okay. Or - that you will be okay. I don't need to know the details. I know we're not part of each other's lives anymore. 

"But...there will always be this part of me that remembers you. The way we were."

Adam searched Shiro's face for a moment. Looked away. 

"I also thought you should hear it from me," Adam continued, "I'm - seeing someone." Adam smiled. "We just moved in together last month. His name is Drew. Short for Andrew. He's a painter, figure that. I think he picked 'Drew' instead of 'Andy' just to mess with people." Adam smiled wistfully. "Our place is filled with...with drapery cloths, and artwork, and everything I own is either covered in paint or dog hair. You're welcome to come. Any time. He knows you're here. On Earth, that is. God, that feels weird to say. Aliens. Space travel. It's all so...Star Trek, or something. 

"Just...the door's open. Always. If you need - well. The door's open." 

Shiro felt numb. He nodded. Tried to smile. 

Adam studied Shiro's face again. "Alright then. I've rambled enough. Shiro - " Shiro looked up. "I'm glad you're here." Shiro knew he should be feeling something, but he just felt an echo of a past life. He watched as Adam shook his nearly-empty cup, drained the rest of the drink. 

He'd always downed coffee like it was water. 

"You ready to head back?"

They rode off on the hoverbike. 

"Where you headed?" Adam yelled over his shoulder as they drive off. "The Garrison? Or..." 

Shiro didn't think he knew. 

They had arranged with the Garrison to take the day for personal leave - reacquainting with family, settling in. They were due bright and early in the morning for a debriefing. 

Shiro hadn't planned anything.

He didn't think he had anywhere to go, really. An estranged extended family back home, in Japan. His mom, who he had called once a year on Shōgatsu, the New Year, to see if she'd gotten his postcard. Adam, and his classmates at the Garrison, had been his family before he left, but Shiro was not the same person now. It would be great to see them again, but it wouldn't be the same. The paladins would understand. They'd all offered a room or a couch, at some point. All except Keith, now that he thought of it. Keith, who had been so patient, so gentle. Had been exactly what Shiro had needed, had always met Shiro where he was and only pushed when he needed to. Shiro was suddenly very sure of where he wanted to be right now. 

Keith came out the front door of the shack as they pulled up, setting a bag of trash on the front step. He frowned, like he was confused to see them. 

Adam looked back and forth between the two of them as Shiro jumped down from the bike. "Take care of yourself, Takashi," he said, nodding at both of them before revving the bike and riding away. 

"Hey," Keith called out. "I didn't expect you. How'd you know I was here?"

Shiro didn't turn around from where he was watching Adam's dust cloud settle on the horizon. 

Earth. Shiro never thought he'd see this again. He'd resigned himself to that possibility before he'd left for Kerberos. Had been sure when he and Keith were sitting side by side on that rocky planet waiting for a rescue. Had been sure of it again when he'd felt his body burn to ash and fade away.

Footsteps nearby. Keith must be getting closer. 

"You okay? ...Shiro?" 

A brief touch on his back, just below his right shoulder blade, felt more real than anything he'd felt in the longest time. Months? Years?

He closed his eyes as Keith moved up beside him, focusing on taking deep breaths. In, out. In, out. This was real. He was here. And Keith - maybe Keith had been waiting all along. 

"Mom took the wolf out hunting," Keith said. "They're both a little stir crazy. I sent her with some of the camping gear, just in case they don't make it back." 

Shiro looked over at Keith. Watched Keith frown, watched his hand come up toward Shiro's face. 

Oh. He'd been crying. He pressed his eyes closed and turned away, heading out to one of the rock outcroppings.

They'd used to come out here, sometimes. Spend a Saturday racing around the desert and finish by checking on the house, finding a rock to eat the food Shiro had packed for them. 

It felt so familiar, and yet so foreign at the same time. Shiro felt like he was out of place here, now.

Keith followed him and sat nearby on the rock, facing out into the desert, leaned back on his hands. He looked far more at ease here than Shiro felt. 

It helped, somehow.

Keith was talking.

" - thought you might be staying with him. With Adam, I mean." 

Shiro said nothing for a while. Then, "He's seeing someone."

"Oh."

"I'm glad he moved on," Shiro said. "We didn't..." he waved his hand around. "We didn't fit. Took me a long time to see that." 

"Okay." 

The light was dim on the horizon. The first stars were coming out. 

"It's so strange, being back here," Keith said. 

Shiro felt his chest squeeze, and suddenly he was curling in on himself, unable to hold back a harsh-sounding sob that turned into a laugh halfway through. 

Like a dam breaking, he was laughing and crying and breathing through it, trying to get a grip, for fuck's sake. He hadn't felt anything in so long, and now it was all rushing back, reminding him how unpredictable and uncontrollable strong emotion could be when you were at your wit's end. His mental calming techniques finally kicked back in, and he let out a few last shaky breaths, leaning over his knees to tamp down the impending head rush, still giddy and frazzled and on edge. He stayed down for a long moment, breathing slowly (through his mouth, which was less effective for calming the nerves, but he was also in desperate need of a tissue). 

The head rush still came when he sat up, wiping away tears and sniffing loudly. 

"Really fucking strange," he said, letting out a half-laugh. 

Keith was looking at him, fondly, somehow, despite the veneer of unshed tears in his eyes. Mesmerizing. The words toppled right out before he could stop them. "God, I love you. I mean - ah," Shiro shook his head. "I didn't mean to say that. I shouldn't be allowed to talk right now." He was hiding behind his hand as somehow, more tears leaking through his fingers. Man, he was a mess.

Then there were fingers gently prying his hand away. He tensed, twisted away, fought to keep his hand where it was. He was perfectly happy hiding right now. 

Then Keith's voice - "Shiro" - rough and jagged like it was when he was feeling anything strongly - tempted Shiro to forget his fortress of solitude and open his eyes. 

There were tears streaming down Keith's face now, too. Crap, he'd broken Keith, too. 

Maybe in a good way, if the smile on his face was anything to go by. 

"Keith..." Shiro's breath was sharp, unsteady, on the verge of catching on each inhale. 

Keith was turning to face him, kneeling next to Shiro on the uncomfortable rock, crowding into his space. 

"Do you mean it?" 

"What," Shiro asked, dumbly, still wanting to pretend this whole overly-emotional-breakdown-thing wasn't happening. 

"That you - " he breathed out sharply. "Are you - do you feel that way about me?" 

Shiro thought about what to say, and couldn't help his face twisting as he remembered - brother. Keith loved him like a brother. ...Maybe?

Keith, who had followed him across the universe, multiple times. Who had been there, time and time again, had fallen to his death to stay with him. Maybe it was time to give something back - to admit, to himself and to this wonderfully brave and fierce and loyal man how he really felt. Had felt for a long time. 

He finally felt calm. This was right. It was time. 

"Keith. I'm in love with you. I - " 

He couldn't say more, because there was a face pressed up against his, cold hands framing his overheated face, his stuffy nose smooshed into Keith's cheek, and he couldn't breathe. It was the best kiss of his life. His lungs were screaming for air, and he twisted his face a little, waiting for Keith to let go. He did, but he stayed close as Shiro coughed and sniffed and got his breath back. "Geez. Try to suffocate me, why don't you."

Keith laughed, loud and happy, his head tilted back, sitting down hard on the rock behind him. 

"Shiro." 

Keith's smile was blinding. Shiro felt like his heart might explode. 

Shiro watched Keith's eyes water up again as he said, "I would have waited for you. I was ready to wait - however long it took."

"You would have lived a life alone, without _sex_ , just to see if I'd come around."

Keith shoved his shoulder. "Way to ruin the moment, old man. And no, I'm not celibate, if that's what you're implying. Sorry, I guess? Not much else to do between missions with the Blade." He shrugged.

"As long as you don't leave me for some gorgeous half-Galra chick once reinforcements get here."

Keith rolled his eyes and settled back in on the rock beside him, looking out at the darkening horizon. The desert was humming now, still warm from the afternoon sun as the creatures of the night came to life, filling the air around them with sound. 

Shiro felt exhausted, but the good kind of exhausted, for once. And underneath it all was a buzzing excitement at the realization that he could finally, _finally_ , give into the urge to fall into this. Into Keith. Could lean into him, could kiss him...could...

An excited bark alerted them to the fact that Krolia and the wolf (his name was Kosmo, no matter what Keith said) had returned. Krolia looked flushed, exhilarated, like she'd been running around all day under the desert sun. Kosmo...looked about half dead. She'd definitely worn him out. He slumped over to where they were sitting, barely managing a burst of energy to pop in and out of space to make it the rest of the way there. 

"Hey, pup," Keith said, burying his hands and then his face in the wolf's fur. 

Shiro was left to the sharp gaze of Krolia as she approached. 

She smiled fondly at Keith. "We just came to let you know we set up camp just over the next ridge. And to bring you dinner," she said, pulling a freshly skinned creature of some sort off the loop on her belt. 

Shiro tried to hide his shudder. "Um...thanks...but, I think we're good."

Keith looked up, laughing at Shiro's discomfort. "Yeah, we'll get an early breakfast in town," he said, smiling at Shiro fondly. 

"Suit yourselves," Krolia said, shrugging as she riled up Kosmo, who whined in protest. "C'mon, big guy, we're interrupting."

"No, you're - " Shiro tried to protest.

Krolia laughed, much like Keith had earlier. She reached over to ruffle Keith's hair with her other hand, which Keith took good-naturedly. "Night, mom." 

"Night, kiddo. Shiro," she said, nodding at him. 

Kosmo had clearly recovered enough to space-jump, because the next thing Shiro knew they were gone. 

"Let's go inside," Keith said, standing up and holding out a hand. 

_Home isn't a place_ , they had said. It wasn't. He took Keith's hand. It was this. It was Keith. He was home.

**Author's Note:**

> Concrit always welcome 
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kk-paladin)


End file.
